she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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