This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
