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• (352): View more from Florida

  the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.

  (407): View more from Florida

  given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was

  (352): View more from Florida

  i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....

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• (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Remember when I said I had my shit together?

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Had a burrito last night in your honor

  (208): View more from Idaho

  That's the nicest thing you've ever done

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• (848): View more from New Jersey

  How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.

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