i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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