I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
