Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
