i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
