I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
