He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
