I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
