you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
