Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
