I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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