i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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