You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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