this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
