I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
