No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
