I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
