Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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