6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
