he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
