I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
