Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
