just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
