She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
