i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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