I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
