I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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