hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
