Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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