Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
