i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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