dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
