Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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