just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
