To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
