The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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