Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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