my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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