Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
