I'm so fucking centered right now
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
