I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
