ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
