Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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