I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
