Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
