Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it hurts more in the daytime
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
