I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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