Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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